When the rubber hit the road

A childcare provider at the fitness center Nick and I used to go to told us about a preschool program that works with kids with developmental delays. I knew about the program because my sister-in-law works at one in Utah where we used to live, and I had recommended multiple daycare children to these types of preschools. Also Nicks Mom had worked with Early Intervention years ago when Nicks younger brother was born. Nicks younger brother has Downs Syndrome. He is (as all downs kids are) amazing. Also Nicks family and the way they interact with him and help him live his fullest life are also amazing.

I just kept telling myself and Nick that this was all a "phase", that she wasn't talking because she has sisters who talk for her, and that she would "grow out of it". I figured the melt downs and violence were a phase, and she would grow out of it. I figured the sleeping problems where a phase she would grow out of.... I couldn't see past my own nose. 

I feel like my desperation within our year of melt downs and the 3 years of sleep deprivation is coming through to the fullest. I am concerned that much of these first posts are having a certain negative or dire sound. Believe me, we were beside ourselves often, but understand that much of that is simply because we had many many other things going on within that year also. My husband and I suffered the loss of 7 dear and close friends and family. All of them had lived in Utah and most were very dramatic, sudden and traumatic to both of us. It was just one after another after another and we could not even grasp much of it. We had also just bought our first home. We lived farther from our friends and family then ever, and Nick was working nights (6 pm-6 am) sleeping from 7 am to 1 pm and taking full time college 3 days a week or taking online classes and busy with homework etc. He has been more involved and put more work into our family and children then many dads who are not so busy, but I did sometimes feel like a single mom and he was feeling helpless with his busy schedule. Vivian was not the one thing that was rocking our world. She did rock our world though.

Also many people around us had not ever seen Vivian in her melt down mode, and if they did it was just for a moment before I removed her from the situation.This was mostly because we had sort of went recluse that year, and we also bent over backwards to help her be happy and stable around other people. Remember I am child development educated and had a HUGE bag of tricks.
My good friend and owner of Shambala Farm where I was going with the kids a lot was maybe the only person who saw these glazed over incoherent flip outs and she was a huge advocate to me and Vivian. She worked with Vivian very closely much of the time at the farm to be an outside (villager) influence to help Vivians speech, coping and she was the first to say Vivi could be having a biochemical reaction to food. She was as concerned as I was and I am so grateful for her and her husbands friendship and obvious love for my family.

As we were seeing the possibility of help & relief from the impending preschool, I was aware of their protocol. They would recommend 2 - 4 days a week to help Vivian with speech, and tantrums. They would teach her coping skills so she would not have "melt downs" and she would probably have to go 2 days a week. This was my expectation. 

When Vivian was assessed it was by 5 lovely ladies, who each had an individual specialized skill in detecting which area Vivian was lacking. In speech she received 1% out of 100% for her age. She was severely lacking in her social, cognitive, and adaptive skills. Her motor skills were fine for her age. These women saw right through my complacency and were kind and gentle and honest with me about their assessment.

The main thing they explained was that milestones like crawling and walking etc. are easy to see on a measurable scale of normal. Self soothing and coping skills are something that are inherently born in us, there is no "normal scale" to measure coping. This is a disruption in the neurology of the brain. It could adapt into a level or balanced coping mechanism, or it could even regress at some point. There was no way to tell or measure if she would improve in her coping skills.

They are not the people who "diagnose" specific disabilities but they did inform me where to go to get an actual diagnosis, they were sweet in telling me Vivian was functioning in about the 12 months to 18 month range developmentally and she needed to start 4 days a week as soon as possible. 

This is a completely free, state financed, very structured preschool. I feel they where not interested in anything but our little girl succeeding in every aspect of her life and helping her get there.

This connection also felt as though for the first time the rubber hit the road and I went 100 mph when that happened.

That was the night I watched the only Super Nanny I had avoided for months "Jo tackles Autism" and saw our struggles and story mirrored.  

So I stayed up ALL night googling anything and everything Autism. There is a lot of "stuff" and people trying to make $ and even Autistic adults who are tired of being put in a "category". There are so many ranging types of Autism its overwhelming at first. There are amazing stories, and wonderful support systems. One thing that was very prevalent was the "link" between Autism and vaccinations. Vivian had not been vaccinated, so..... that didn't help me. There was talk and text about living with Autism and a lot about diagnosis and treatment through centers and DIET.

I was willing to try any and ALL I could to try and help my ginger girl be able to cope with things and move forward in development. Nick and I decided we would try the most suggested diet for 4 weeks. Right now we are happy with this preschool and the work they are doing for Vivian. As she grows we may find other options we want to try out. Every child is different, every child is special and whatever works to help a child thrive we feel it is a great thing.

I saw a quote once, " If you KNOW one autistic child or adult....... then you know ONE autistic person."
They are all different with so many abilities and strengths and thing they are working on.